Withdrawal

I went to the post office this morning then on a run. When I got done my run I felt so awful. My head hurt really badly the worst headache I've ever experienced and I felt faint. After researching it, I realize these symptoms were probably mainly from withdrawal from my medication and also from being dehydrated as I had diarrhea the previous day, have been running a lot, and lack of sleep.

I felt awful on and off today, but am going to wean myself now instead of cold turkey. Ugh. Everything from hot and cold spells to nausea to fatigue and blood pressure up and heart rate down.

Lord, keep me safe in Your arms. Amen.

Stuff

So, I have a new phone, and I have a daily Bible verse on it and today's is: Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. LMAO. I'm not sure what version that is! I just found it funny to have the word, "stupid" in a Bible verse!

Today I have off work and am going to mail three care packages, three thank yous, might get my BU alumni rec center membership and am going on a run. Amber and I are going to head on a walk sometime today and as usual, I need to get my room together. I might browse cars as I need one before winter! Yikes. That scares me having to purchase something as expensive as a car. Eeek.

Today is number three of cold turkey of my depression med. So far so good. Praise God.

Lord, I am nothing without You. Help me to find my identity in You and You alone and to find my strength, comfort, peace, and purpose in You. Amen.

Ever Think You'd Rather Be Anything Else Than Be

One day. One day things will be different. One day things will be worthwhile. One day I will feel alive. One day I will be someone. I will be loved. I will be okay with existing. When? When will things change? When will I change? 


Is life just a living happily ever after that we're just waiting around for? What am I doing with my life? Why do I make no progress? Why am I such a waste? 


Lord, I feel I am nothing. I am discouraged. Please heal my heart and help me to know that You are who I am to define myself by. I am Your child. I am beaten, broken, and bleeding. Please heal my heart. 

I give You all that I am

I am not quite sure how I'm feeling lately. I passed my boards, and that's fine and everything, but at the same time I still am clenched with fear. 


I don't feel as much anymore. I just feel "blah" if you will. At times I feel alive, but I've felt more dead than alive. Sigh. There's gotta be something to look forward to. 


I'm going to miss Lissa so much. She's leaving soon for her military training and then to be stationed as an Army nurse. Damn. I really enjoy our friendship, and I'm scared of not having any friends around here. I'll be living with two girls and a DOG soon; this Tuesday to be exact, but I still feel alone. 


At times I wish people would just understand me and love me for who I am and despite my flaws and I just fear what they think. I don't have that peace of contentment. I feel I always have to prove myself and earn people's love. 


Note to self: don't look through Jeremy pictures at night when you're missing him. 
Good night to all and to all a good night. 

SWEET!

I am a Registered Nurse! :-D

Judgment Day

So today I take the NCLEX (nursing boards). I had a dream last night that I passed them :-) I hope that dream comes true! I take them in Scranton. I'm going to get there around noon hopefully and they say they let you take them early. 


I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Phil 4:13

Anger

So I've had a midst of anger recently, well, okay, I'm an angry person I suppose would be a better description.

Today, I had an annoying woman talking to me while I was in line at Aldi's. I went running and an immature, high school kid driving a truck, compensation for having a small penis, almost killed me due to not signaling and making a drastic turn at the town park. While on that run, I did receive a compliment. I think it was one at least. This guy drove by and raised his coffee mug at me. It was cute. It made me smile.

I hope life gets better in terms of various aspects. I'm kinda down in the dumps. I'm still going through the motions, but even doing that is a challenge at times.