Stuff yup

So, I really didn't like Adele's, "Someone Like You," when I first heard it on the radio. I thought her voice shrieked at certain points, and it pierced my ears. The more I listen, the more I am intrigued by her voice. It's not my favorite female voice, don't get me wrong, but it's kinda raspy and distinct. 


I think the lyrics hit me hard. I'm still struggling with emotions. My sister is getting married this weekend, and that's awesome! However, I'll admit to it making me worried about myself. My brother has a prospect, and what do I have? I don't have anyone. The one I thought I had, doesn't want me. The potential new person doesn't want me either. So, I'm just sitting here like okay, apparently I'm not good enough and just have to wait until someday someone will see me in a different light. 


It makes me insecure and lonely as hell. There, that's out. I'm scared of not finding anyone. Not that I have to find someone soon, but in general, I fear I don't have anyone to be with. When I try to move on, stuff happens and I'm back to the beginning. 


I would like to say that I'm confident in various aspects of my life, but the more I grow older and the more that comes my way, the more I'm confused as hell. 


God has blessed me with so much though. He's given me a place to live, that's pretty sweet. My two roommates are very nice, and the location is good. I have friends and family who are supportive of me. WTF is my problem then? I'm not content. I'm on edge. I think I have expectations of how I'm supposed to be and how things are to work out, and when they aren't met, I get crazy. 


It could be something simple in a conversation where I say something and the other person doesn't take it a certain way and it upsets them, then I get down on myself and keep dwelling on it. Yes, I let small things get to me. I sweat the small things. I need to realize that not everyone is as uptight as I am about things. 


I'm going to head to bed now. Good night. God's love will never fail nor leave us. I rest in peace knowing that.