Anytime

A favorite song of mine is Brian MicKnight's, "Anytime." He has a really good voice. Very soothing & clear. 


Anyways, I'm going to blab about what I desire in a guy. I've found I have some preferences, yet these are not deal breakers, but then there are deal breakers or requirements lol.  


-Christian: The guy must be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. He must have a committment to the Lord, and growing in Him. 


-Humor: I'm not saying he has to think everything I think is funny to be funny, but it helps if he's not lame and can joke around. I enjoy laughing and making fun of, well, anything there is to make fun of! :-X I can get gitty, especially when I'm tired. When I'm tired, and sometimes when I'm completely feeling fine, I say some bizarre things. I don't need a tool. If you can't laugh, get over yourself. Yup, I'm that nice of a person :-P


-Adventurous: I like exploring. What does that mean? Well, going places I've never been before and seeing what's up. I enjoy the outdoors say camping, canoeing, kayaking, walking, running, taking pictures of nature. I really like campfires & snuggling. Oh my gosh snuggling. I could write a book about how much I enjoy that. Anyways, not to get sidetracked, but until I was almost 11, I lived across the street from a park, and loved exploring on the playground, fields, and woods. 


-Patience: I need a guy who can put up with me. I'm not the easiest to deal with because I easily misinterpret things, get emotional, worry, and get anxious about things. I need an encourager. I wish to do the same for him. I need someone to hold me when I'm scared and crying, and to love me despite my flaws. When I get discouraged, I need someone to talk to about it. 


Okay, well, I'm heading out. :-)

Behind these Hazel Eyes (Brown for me)

Whatever Comes to Mind

-I laugh at roadkill....especially cats and ones in awkward positions
-Washing dishes is my favorite chore
-I enjoy dancing
-I sing while driving and sometimes dance too
-I like walking like I'm an important & tough person
-The key to my heart is a back massage
-Running and baby carrots are my current addictions
-Competition is a large motivator for me depending upon what it is
-When I dress up, I dress sexy, fo sho :-P
-I love old people and taking care of them
-If you think you're cool because of your possessions, get over yourself
-Kelly Clarkson can flat out sing as can Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston


Poem: 
Take me still, Take all of me
Haunt me with your words
Sting me with your lies
Stare into my soul and steal my everything
Take my breath away
All my feelings are starting to decay
Inject me with your poison 
Burn me with your promises
Throw me into the fire and smile as I waste to nothing
I surrendered to you
I am you

I am gone

I Never Told You....I Just Held It In

Do you ever try to analyze your life and get confused as hell? I do. I wonder why things have happened and fear what is to come. I often can't make sense of much, but I would have committed suicide if I didn't have Christ in my life. He is why I live. If I lived for myself, I would have taken myself away from this world long ago. I still get those thoughts that I'm not worthy of love. I'm nothing. I deserve death. Sin is why we deserve death, but Jesus died for our sins and has built a bridge between man and God. 


I'll admit, I am broken. I feel awful about who I am at times. I'm disappointed with myself each and every single day. Lately I've been in a rut. I'm still in a rut, but need to reach out to the Lord for strength and meaning in this time of my own hurt. 


I really don't like not knowing things. I don't know when I will take the NCLEX. I don't know what my schedule is for work. I'm scared about starting on July 11th. I'm scared for my mom who has breast cancer and is going to have surgery sometime soon (double masectomy). Then she might have radiation and/or chemo. I'll be living with two other girls in this house come mid-August. Lissa moves to Texas after passing her boards :-/ I'll miss her so much. Heather's married. My sister is getting married. Joel might move to Illinois. My brother just moved to Texas. It seems like people are leaving or moving on in their lives. Here I am, somewhat moving along the "grown-up" life, yet I feel blah. 


I do have goals in life and dreams. I'd love to organize a race. Not sure how long the run would be like 5k,10k, half-marathon or what. It'd probably be a 5k since those are most popular. I need to pass my nursing boards. I want to be a dedicated, caring, and loving nurse. I wanna help out with church activities and get to know more people in the area. I'd love to visit my friends who live in different states. :-) I wanna work blood drives and help the Red Cross. 


Anyways, I'm going to be cool and do my massive load of dishes and put laundry away. 
Some of us crazy bridesmaids from Heather's wedding at town park :-D

I could use a hug. 

Video

Fix Myself

I'm listening to Big Daddy Weave's, "What Life Would be Like." Joel send me this song, and it's very true.

God created us in His own image, yet why do I hate what I see in the mirror? I'm very disappointed with what I see and I see so many imperfections. I don't live up the standard of what I wish I looked like. Is it the world's standards? Probably. I get caught up in trying to be someone else or trying this or that. I lose all focus on God.
I lean on my understanding and not his.

I'm going to spell out some of my imperfections, so brace yourself:
-pimples, scars, acne on my face; feel my face is fat like I have a double chin
-small boobs, I wish they were bigger
-belly, butt & legs I feel like they are fat

Yup, so I struggle with body image. Hopefully I will be free of it all someday. I need to let go and accept my body because God created me, and He loves me. He made me from dust and breathed life into me. I need to find value in Him and not others or the world's standards of perfection.

God wants my heart. I need to give it to Him. Right now I'm struggling with different things. I'm fearful of my future, and I need to trust He will provide and He will never leave nor forsake me. I could be all alone physically, but I am never truly alone. He is there beside me carrying me. He knows all. Lord, You created me and love me. Thanks for dying on the cross to save me from my sins. Please help me to focus on You and put You first in my life. Help me control and let go of the hatred I have for myself. Help me to trust You. Yours, Kelly

Here is a picture from the wedding:

here goes

So yesterday was Heather & Jesse's wedding. I met Heather at Campus Crusade for Christ I'm thinking it was my sophomore year, so 2006-2007. She shared her testimony about how she became a Christian, had cancer three times, and is a nursing major. It's an amazing story, and I'm so happy and proud of her. She works at the Janet Weis Children's Hospital in Danville, PA which is a part of Geisinger Medical Center. She is a RN who works with kids with cancer and other illnesses. She had a rare cancer, that I can never remember the name of it, but it ate away at her musculoskeletal system in her head, face, neck regions. She raises money for the American Cancer Society through participating in Relay for Life and also money for the Janet Weis Children's Hospital by doing the telethon. We've been through a lot together, and she's a really good friend.

I got to wear a light yellow dress. I felt like Bell from Beauty & the Beast because it was just that color and I have the brown hair. The jewelry was amazing that Heather got her girls in the bridal party.

I was very encouraged today because my friend Amber and her husband came to Shiloh :-)
I really need a shower lol!