Bring it to the Light

Step into the light and let me see. Let me hold you close and be all that you need. 

Don't be shy. Don't be ashamed. I'm not going anywhere. I am who will remain. 

Why all the lies? Why all the scars? Reveal them to me. Reveal who you are. 

Mark my words. I love you for you. You are precious to me. You're all that I see. 

I'll walk through fire. I'll quench the flames that have engulfed your soul. 

Don't let them strike you. Don't let them defeat you. 

Why so pale? Why so frail? I'll give you my strength. I'll carry you and make you whole.  

Keep my heart. I am yours. You are worth it, worth so much more than you'll ever know. 

Looking in your eyes, I can feel your frigid fears. Surrender your soul to someone who will never let go. 

Don't flee. Don't doubt. 

Why let them win? Why not put up a fight?

Trust the one who gives you a peace that will transcend anything you ever had or ever will face. 

A Moment in Your Arms Became the Reason Why

Psalm 40:1-6 
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. 

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders You have done. The things You planned for us no one can recount to You; were I to speak and tell of them; they would be too many to declare. 

*I'll admit, I'm not very patient. I want to know things and when I have to wait for answers, I go nuts. 

The Lord knows all; He is in control, yet why do I feel life can be so out of control? Think of all that we don't know. For instance, the weather is not always how the meteorologists predict it to be. Our health is not as we hope/expect it to be mentally, physically and emotionally. People are born and people die second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour. The sun rises and the sun sets. Our fears can consume us and our ailments can define us. Where is our site? Are we looking behind us, in front of us, or within ourselves for answers? Do we look to God for direction in our lives, or do we just grip our steering wheels with death grips and drive with all our might into a destination of no return?

Open my eyes, Lord, to see Your beauty in all things. Help me to praise You through all things. Still my heart and renew my soul. I need You. I so desperately need You. 

Who is it? Who is standing there behind us? When we turn around, do we see who is standing there, or do we just turn around and see completely nothing?

From where do these voices originate? Why do they suddenly consume us? The wind whistles as if mocking us; we are knocked off our feet in an instant. 

Cursing the sky, we pound our fists against the concrete. As we bleed we cry out, "Is this what being alive is all about?! Suffering with the chaos in our heads?! Why?! Why on earth are we here and where the heck are we going?! We feel like such a waste of space, yet we're supposed to be content with life?! Content with the madness in which paralyzes us from being free to experience life to the fullest?! Why these chains?! Why?!"

As our anger turns to sadness, we lay on the concrete. The sky darkens, clouds move in, and rain trickles down our quivering bodies. 

We slowly inhale then slowly exhale as if breathing differently would clear our minds. We taste the rain. Gazing into the distance, as if some sort of distraction would save us, we sigh. With all our might, we push up with our hands and feet and stumble forward. 

A tree catches our eye. So incredibly tall and stable, yet we are lost. Where is home? Where have we wandered to? None of this is familiar. It's all as if we're in a dream. Maybe if we climb this tree, we can discover our way home. 

The tree is soaked and getting a strong foothold and firm grip is very difficult. Why? Why can't things just work out how we want them to? Why can't things be simple? Why must climbing a tree be such an ordeal. Why did it have to rain? 

Cars zoom by and their headlights hurt our eyes. Why do people drive so fast? Why don't they look where they're going? Oh wait, we are the ones lost now, aren't we? 

*That's all I got for now. More to come at some point. Thanks for reading. ;-) *

Confession: I need You

Psalm 43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

My mind has a way of ruining things. I could "have it all together," but still feel like a worthless piece of crap and wish I was dead.

My mom has said that I have a lot going for me, but what people forget to realize is that often when you see actors and actresses perform incredibly on stage and receive numerous awards, fame and fortune, are they truly fulfilled? Do they go home with a smile and feel content?

People tend to judge by what they know about you from a distance. For instance, someone could say someone's profession and immediately you think you know how smart they are, how much money they make, and whether they are getting pleasure from life. Really? Then, we assume we know their personality, physical attributes, habits, etc. I'm not denying the fact that I judge people from knowing very little; however, I'm saying that we tend to base a lot on what job/profession people have. Granted, you invest the majority of your life working, so why not choose something fulfilling? But, what is fulfilling? Tell me, what job is truly satisfying? What job could you do that when you come home and smile ear to ear and do a little happy dance? My point exactly. None.

I'm a nurse. I love helping people and being there for them; however, when I come home, I feel worthless. Why? My mind. No matter whether I did everything right or everything wrong or had complex patients or very simple ones, I feel the same. Worthless.

I feel like Jasmine from Aladdin when she gets stuck in that hourglass sand timer thing. I'm simply stuck. Time is going by, and I feel stuck.

I'd write more, but I'm getting upset.

Come Inside and Stay a While

Whack! The front door flies open as I dart through it, shimmy down the stars, and rapidly flail my arms and legs back and forth as I run across the street to the park. I stand tall and proudly on the soft green grass on top of the hill. I gaze around to survey the park activity. 

A young mother is pushing her baby forward in a swing. She smiles as her baby has this dull expression on her face. Babies often look confused and like blobs to me. It's like people want babies to be happy as they are brought up into the strange world, but it's often hard to tell what on earth they are thinking. 

The silver metal slide shines. It intimates me because of it's height, but I'm captivated by it. I throw my arms up in excitement and rush to the bottom of its stairs. As I climb, I intensely focus on my footing and grasp extra carefully the bars on each side. The sun caresses my face as I get higher. The beauty of its rays makes me smile. I firmly place my feet on the top of the slide. I've reached the top. It's time to venture down it. I hesitate. I look around and see if anyone is watching. Why am I suddenly scared? I've reached the top. I'm where I so much wanted to be! This is my chance! This is what I wanted to experience! Why am I shaking? Why can't I catch my breath? 

The fear consumes me. I look down at my legs and realize my knees are shaking. I steady them and a shiver runs down my spine. Sweat trickles down my neck, and I can't think. 

No one is at the park anymore. No cars are driving by. No one is outside their homes. Although the sun is shining, all I see is darkness. What do I do? 

I feel my body grow unsteady again. I sway backwards but quickly grasp the bars and hold myself up. 

My heart is pounding and I can't see clearly. Everything is spinning. 

I hear someone. I hear someone saying something. It's not clear. I can't make out the words. Where is this voice coming from? 

"Kelly!......Kel!.....KELLY!!!!" It's my mom. I recognize the voice. Where is she yelling from? 

My eyes kick back into focus. I scan the park. Ah, there she is! She's in the front yard of the house! She's worried. She looks like she might cry. Her eyes are weary. 

My throat is so dry. I mouth words, but nothing comes forth. I cough and gather the strength to yell back. I disguise my fear and confidently holler, "Hi, Mom!"

"Time for dinner!"

"I'll be right there!" 

I gulp. That means I have to go down the slide. I look at my mom as she's staring at me. I feel pressure. I have to do this. I look down the slide then back at my mom. She has her hands on her hips. I don't want to scare her, nor do I want to disappoint her. 

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, and bend my knees. I sit on the cool metal. Here goes. I fling myself forward. The rush of the wind gives me goose bumps. My hair dances backwards and I'm speechless. 

My feet hit the sand. With disbelief, I stand. I run home faster than I've ever run before. 

I enter the front door and feel the warmth of the house. I so desperately need a hug, but am too ashamed to ask for one. I sit on a wooden chair at the kitchen table with a zombie-like expression. It's time to eat, but I have no appetite. I force myself to eat, but am numb. 

No matter how distant or close you feel to feeling truly alive, there are eyes on you. 
You can be alone, but eyes are on you. His eyes are on you. I've been physically alone, yet the Lord is still by my side. I've cried alone in my bed, but the Lord's eyes are on me. I've felt alone at work, but the Lord is right by my side. I may be weak, but He is strong. 

Have you ever felt alone in your thoughts? Alone in your body? Have you felt that no one feels how you feel? No one has been through what you've been through? No one can ever even come close to what you've been through, where you are, and/or where you are going? Ever feel these things? 

Guess what? He did too. God humbled Himself into the image of man (Philippians. 2). He came onto this earth. He walked on this earth, even walked on water, and went through all sorts of trials. He was rejected by His own people. His own people spit on Him and crucified Him. They brutally beat Him and nailed His hands and feet to a cross for Him to hang until His death. 

Reach out to the One who will never leave nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
Reach out to the One who is the One and Only One who can strengthen you through all things (Philippians 4:13). 
Reach out the the One who will wipe your every tear (Revelation 21:4)
Reach out because He loves you (John 3:16). 

People have fear, hurt, and loneliness in their eyes. Take the moment to just say, "Hi," or, "How are you?" Even if you don't know them. Take the time to share God's love just by acknowledging their presence. You'll be amazed how far a simple greeting can go. You might find that a simple greeting can turn into a deep conversation and perhaps saving them into the eternal kingdom of our Lord!

It'd be nice to say I feel fine. Everything's okay. Life is grand. But to say all these things would simply be a lie. 

This picture is a picture I've used in the past to express how I feel. Yes, I feel like a shattered glass. 

I'm sorry all I am is a mess up. I'm sorry all I am is a disappointment.