Romans 8:11 And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you.

I need life, Lord. Give me life. Give me Your Spirit. Give me a Spirit that yearns and clings to You in all and every situation(s). Help me to define myself by You and not of things of this world. You are my peace. You are my strength. Help my heart to beat for You. Help my soul to be satisfied as if with the richest of foods because Your love is better than life. Help me to see myself in Your eyes, Lord. Help me to be Your child and to listen to Your instructions. Break me. Break all of me. Help me to love You with my first love of You. You are so beyond my comprehension. Your love is unconditional and defeats all. You are a conquerer. You are the most powerful and mighty being there is. Who/what shall I fear when I have You?

Bless my family,friends, fellow believers, and those who need You.

Psalm 63 says, "Because Your love is better than life, my lips will praise You." Something like that. That's my paraphrasing. That is incredible that the Lord's love is better than life. I don't really view life as something all that great, but it's saying that the awesome experiences that we have during this life, are nothing compared to the Lord's love. His love surpasses all.

Lord, take my emptiness. Take my brokenness. Give me a heart that yearns for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Lord, I need You. Restore my soul. Amen.

My lips are quivering but You deliver me

Life is unpredictable. You wake up, and you don't know what'll happen. You have plans in your head and/or obligations for the day, but you don't exactly know how things will unravel.

Work is probably the best example of this. I go in, I don't even know which floor I'm on between the two floors. I don't know what patients I will be assigned to. You never know if they'll remain stable or go downhill. The doctors switch around medications and other things throughout the shift. Patients come and go from tests. Family come and go. You're somehow supposed to keep it all together no matter the emotional and physical toll.

I don't know the future. I have my dreams of what I want to get out of life and how I want it all to play out. But it's not up to me. I need to give it to God. Fully trust and place my confidence in Him. He has promised to never leave nor forsake me, but I doubt Him a lot. I doubt that He will provide. I doubt that things will work out. I doubt that I'll be okay.

John 6:47-48 I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. I am the bread of life.

Lord, please help me to trust You with all that I am. Please help me to praise You through all circumstances. Whether I live in need or in plenty, help me to find rest in You and You alone. Amen.

You're the Only One Who Knows Who I Really Am

Take me. Take these scars. Take these fears. Hold me close. Never let me go. Embrace me. Breathe life into this dead soul. Energize me with Your everlasting love. Renew me. Lift up my face when all I can see is the dirt I've created.

How could You love me? How could You take it upon Yourself to die for me? I don't deserve that kind of love. I don't deserve anything. I deserve death. I deserve to have the worst.

I am so unworthy, yet You overcame everything so that I might live. Please renew me. Help me not to forsake my first love for You. Your ways are beyond mine. You are so beyond me. Please help me to trust You. Help me to pour out my soul to You. You are my peace.

It Overwhelms Me that You Still Care

"Sometimes I cry because I can't believe Your love is big enough to cover me"-TFK

You carry me. You protect me. You free me. I might feel all alone, but You are with me always. Where can I go where You aren't there? Where can I hide? You see me. You always do. Please, please, please, free me from all my chains. Give me Your peace and wisdom and strength to get through each day. I need You.

Driving back from work in the rain was so peaceful. I love the darkness of the night and the temperature was so nice. The rain and be very tranquil. I like being out in the rain at times. I wanna go walking in the rain when it's warm enough to do so and just soak it up. Close my eyes and feel it. Let it become a part of me. That's what I want. I want to love people and have them love me. I want them to feel connected to me and I to them. I want my heart to be a part of their heart.

I can go back in my mind to some really deep moments in my life. Some were phenomenal in terms of joyful & happy and others were horrific paralyzing fearful painful moments, but all are puzzle pieces of the large picture of life. God allows things for a reason. He has a plan that is beyond us. In the midst of trials we tend to hate everything and curse God. What good does that do? He will help us overcome any & everything. He overcame this world. He will and does provide. He is everlasting and the only One who can do more than we can ever imagine or possibly fathom.

My heart and flesh may give way, but You remain. You simply remain. Thank You.

When We Fade Into Nothing

I think of the greatest moments in my life thus far. I think about how I was feeling, what I was doing, who I was with, and I think of how I can attain more moments like them. 

 

Various races have been significantly rewarding. One was in high school, at night on the track. It was the 2miler and it was my best time. 13:02 I think it was. I felt strong and I loved the coolness of the night. The lights weren't super bright or obnoxious. I didn't win the race nor did I lose it. I was in the middle but for me personally, I was soaring. My legs were in such a rhythm and my heart was set on the journey. My soul was embraced in the chanting cadence around the track. I felt as if no one was there but me. I knew other people were on the track. I knew people were in the stands. But all in all, I was by myself running in another world. I gave it my all and I felt so great afterwards. I was so happy I cried inside. I didn't want my teammates seeing me cry or asking me what happened or anything. It was just an overwhelming feeling to accomplish my best race and to feel so great during the journey. That's what I want my life to be like. I want to enjoy the journey and look back and feel the rush and joy of it all. I want to smile and cherish everything. 

Another race was this past New Year's Eve. It was a 5k and it was chilly outside because it was on a winter night, but it was amazing. I listened to Florence and the Machine's, "Shake It Out" repeatedly during my warm up. I flew. I flat out flew during this race because to me it was my way of living out the lyrics: 

"And I've been a fool and I've been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around

All of his questions such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkness before the dawn"

 

Another race was in Berwick that I got my best 6miler time. That was full of snow, wind, chills, and hills. Getting through it all made it so worth it. I had two friends that showed up to cheer me on and to support me. I'm so thankful for that. It was amazing. 

The other moment was when I got back from a church camp when I was in middle school. It was called Circle K and it was in the woods like cabins, outhouses, wooden outdoor showers ha ha, campfires, capture the flag! It was oh so awesome! I remember getting home from it and being outside of my house and just being outside in the yard staring up in the sky singing, "Shout to the Lord." That was my favorite worship song. We had this one night of chapel when they shared a drama with music thing I can't recall the name but it had such a powerful message about God's love and how He wipes us clean. It broke me and many others and we all just wept and wept. It was so special. His love overcomes all obstacles. His love is so powerful. I'm in awe of Him. 

Lord, please help me to have more special moments in my life. Help me to feel Your love and grace. Help me to feel Your presence no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing. You are my strength and stronghold. When the rain comes, You comfort me. When the sun is shining, You are with me and my smiling face. You are the air I breathe. Hold me. Your child forever, Amen. 

You are my strength when I am weak

Psalm 63:6-8
On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Nights kinda suck. I analyze what all happened during the day and I get lonely. I miss having someone special to see when I'm done with work. I miss having that to look forward to. I should be more grateful for what I do indeed have, yet my mind plays games on me and steals from the joy I could be having.

He's with me always. Why do I feel so alone at times? Why do I feel like I'm a horrible person? I feel a lot of guilt and shame about who I am. I feel inadequate and inferior. These are all lies, yet I give in to them. I give in and make myself feel that I'm not good enough for this or that. I'm filled with a lot of emotion until I get to the point where I just cry and cry and cry.

I hold things inside and don't know how to express myself until it gets to the core and I just can't hold back anymore and it pours out like rain. I love the symbolism of rain and clarity and a soul being quenched. A soul breaking free. All the pain and suffering and torture are thrown away.

Lord, help me to see You. Help me to know that You are always there. You are here with me despite my feelings/thoughts telling me otherwise. Free me from these chains. Help me to rely on You above and beyond anything. You are my everything. You are the breath that I breathe, the water I drink, and my entire being. Help me to be found in You. Help me to lose myself so that I might see more and more of You in me. Chisel me into Your image and help me to face each day with an attitude that it's just one more day close to You. One more day to praise You and glorify You, yet one day closer to being with You forever. I want that. I want to be free from this world and to worship You for eternity. Yours, Amen.